When I started this website a couple years ago I had all the right intentions in sharing my story in the best positive light. I wanted to share all the healing scriptures, motivation and great days I was having. I had to come to a place of realization that my biggest blessing was also going to be my biggest challenge. Not only was I going to share a message given to me but I was going to share this while I was going through hemodialysis 3 times a week being poked with the biggest needles anyone could ever bare, ever changing unpredictable events and I wanted to stay commited in going through all this with a smile on my face. So okay I learned to fake it pretty good. But that very practice is why I am here today. I’m telling you I would try with every possible way.. I would bring my bible to dialysis and the minute the machine would turn on the words in the bible would suddenly jumble, I would pray but the pain would be so unbearable that I could only tell you if faith was really there. The only thing I do know was there was something in me that kept trying despite of it all. Each day I had to ask myself how I was even going to be able to receive this life message with all the distractions and pain my physical body can bring. I couldn’t even make sense of it. Nothing natural made sense. I can say that I’ve been fighting hard and was determined to act in faith until the faith came and guess what eventually it has and it has in a mighty way!

I chose to speak life despite of it all. It did take a few setbacks; I am here to account that as my health had to take few hits and for a minute my faith was in jeopardy and old coping habits resurfaced. Anger, resentment, frustration started to plague me like a deadly disease and my body responded. As my body was adjusting to the routine of dialysis and always doing a balancing act with food and water intake my spiritual life was following this same pattern. At first I won’t lie this did not come easy for a stubborn person like myself. As I will share in this website through my testimony I had to learn things the hard way and little did I know I still had hard lessons to be learned. Most of you know my story, I’ve shared it openly, I put myself out there and I never knew why I was doing this. This wasn’t even really my personality. I was quite for the most part, reserved and kept to my own business. I always wanted to be bias and fair and I came to find this was not a weakness but became one of my greatest strength and ability.

Moving to Sacramento was all in faith. There really was no reason other than the door opened and we followed. Unsure what we were coming here for at the time it just felt right and it basically we moved in within a couple of months. It was sudden and most people just don’t upchuck and leave. For me and my family we already knew nothing was ordinary anyhow to begin with.. I realized my comfort can only be where God will lead me. I can’t say it has been all good because there is a natural for us to feel the change and the transition wasn’t all that smooth but we pushed through went through the motions just like any other family would. We have no special exceptions but we have learned to seize the opportunity and make the best wherever we are called to be. As a family we all had to do this and spiritually we had no choice but to lift it up all to God. I could only share so much in words what is happening but this change has brought so much new insight to our lives and a family as a whole. There is just so much that are eyes can see and I’m willing to open my eyes.. Things are much clearer these days and the balancing act is pretty stable. I know I am able to sustain this by keeping active and going out in the world to live life. Keeping this desire in my heart to seek the daily nourishment that is needed. Digesting only life and leaving anything that breaths death at a distance.

I will be working on this probably for the next couple days/weeks but however long it takes I am inviting you back to share in this endeavor and journey. Continue by reading my vision and my purpose so you can understand what lead me in creating this whole website and give you a little background of what I am envisioning for this site. In the meantime thanks for coming by. Feel free to check in and see what changes I’m making. I’m happy to be back up and running and ready for take off!

God’s Love Always!

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Also, Me and the boys traveled to LA a couple weekends ago for a nice weekend getaway. I got to see Christy quickly as she was down for an organic health foods convention. It was a nice getaway and I always cherish the time I spend with my sister and mom. We don’t get much but when we do it’s such a great quality time. Traveling with PD treatments is so much easier. So much has been happening. With the Easter week that had just passed I reflected on Jesus’s sacrifice and it was different this year reading the bible and going through the gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and now John.. Even as I prepared baskets for my boys I couldn’t make it about Easter bunnies. So I bought things from my favorite Christian Store. Even as I finished up Mark in prayer I felt compelled to give up meet until Easter just as a simple sacrifice to lift up Jesus’s ultimate sacrifice. As I ate my veggies through out the week I felt how little it was to give up compared to what the Lord has done for us and for our salvation. The price he paid for our sins. It made me remember what he has redeemed for me in my own life. The grace that was shown to me over and over. Even now I am in awe of his mercy and love for me.

I am amazed that I can say this with out my own judgments. In the past I lacked this type of faith because I was too worried about judgments of the world. I feared the world’s judgment more than the Lord’s judgment. Trust me I am blessed to be rid of my own theories and concepts. Just to be saved from this bondage has given me the ultimate freedom and now I can say with complete confidence that this is me and what a joy it is for me to declare it! There are things happening on a day to day and so many answered prayers. I also remembered the last Easter we celebrated with joy as we were getting closer to an approved transplant with my mom. It really helped me in getting closer to my mom. As I’ve mentioned in the past, me and my mom have gone through a lot and I blamed her for so many things but her confidence in giving me a kidney and willingness to give me life a second time made me realize my own faults and it changed all this bitterness and I knew no matter what had happened she was my mom and I honored her for who she was. It made me look at myself and think how I feel as a mom and I completely felt her love and I was able to understand her for the first time in my life and appreciate all that God has created her to be. She is a strong women and she did teach me a lot about having complete faith in God. I was able to own up to my own faults and maybe it took this whole transplant process to give this break through and that’s why I know even though it didn’t work out something else came out of it.

This year I celebrated Easter in joy thinking of what the Lord is doing for me and for His amazing grace. Christy and I are getting closer in the transplant evaluation the last test from UC Davis which cross matched our blood and it showed that it will work well with matching antigens. Christy is now going through the physical exams and after this last test it will determine if we will proceed with the transplant. Christy has shown me so much and as I say the Lord has already completed His will when I met Christy. As I say, sent from a far, who was a complete stranger to me but God brought us together and through her faith I was able to see God’s unconditional love. With each step her complete faith in God’s will made me understand that there was nothing to fear, nothing to question and when she told me she is excited to see our Father’s face I hungered that same desire. I questioned myself, how do you get to that place? Is it a life journey.. I understood what he prepared me for this day. You here of people like her but experience meeting someone like her and you’ll know what I’m saying. I could only share in so many words what the character is of an angel and a Savior.

So as I share my past couple week’s I can only share the miracles God is giving me in my life. What is being revealed and the peace that it gives me. I

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That was the Pastor’s declaration today and I am declaring that statement today. Especially after being sick over the weekend with the flu. Yes I caught the bug, hard not to when it enters the home. My youngest was having the hardest time covering his mouth. I tried to do damage control but it still got me. What’s nice it didn’t attack my body until after church on Sunday. I got through an awesome family conference called “Raising Destiny” and a studying a series at church called Christ Therapy. My body eventually collapsed at the peek of this message. Let me tell you it was a great way to receive the message. I had incredible rest and meditation, all in between Tyler Perry play reruns on BET ( ; I am so blessed that I know how to do this now. I have been having complete Christ therapy and it’s been great!

It has been intense I won’t lie because a lot is being revealed and I am just taking it all in. I am learning so much about myself, my husband, my kids, our roles.. Things that are deep rooted and things that are being touched at the surface. I started with reading my first book of the year, “Will God Heal Me” By Ron Dunn which Daniel gave me for Christmas. This was a week after my hospitalization, perfect timing ( ; It touched on some heavy issues. Things I’ve experienced, felt and gone through being Christian and having kidney failure. There were some tough issues that had surfaced during my years with kidney failure and a lot came down to this very question. This book covers the misconceptions of this issue. To the very detail of reading scripture to it’s entirety to learning the true meaning of God’s view and purpose on healing. It is a question I needed answers to and this book was a tool that helped me realize God’s process and perfect timing. So that set the tone for my Christ Therapy. I have been dependent on dialysis to live so I figure I need to have this same regimen daily in my spiritual life and I can’t express in words how much it is helping me! You will see I will not run out of things to share because I am learning so much and I truly understand my purpose to share.

Now I am reading, “The Confident Women” By Joyce Meyers and “Fight Like a Girl” By Lisa Bevere. Separate bible studies but 2 books that compliment each other very well and neat to read together. It is covering a lot about God’s purpose in creation of Women and how to get in touch with our girl power. Which I felt this year alone I was able to get in touch with my feminine side with the lia sophia business and all. Most of my life I hated being a girl and these books cover this issue. Crazy that it runs in to my hands at this specific time. Talk about intense Christ Therepy! It is making me realize how beautiful it is to be a woman of God. How I am proud to fight like a girl! I didn’t realize how confidence plays a big part in faith because that is what confidence is all about but there is more to be revealed. “She is a woman of strength and dignity, and has no fear of old age. When she speaks, her words are wise and kindness is the rule for everything she says. She watches carefully all that goes on throughout her household, and is never lazy. Her children stand and bless her; so does her husband. He praises her with these words: “There are many fine women in the world, buy you are the best of them all.” Proverbs 31: 25-29

Than we attended the family conferences, it was something I signed my family up for without them knowing. I’ve been doing that lately. Which Daniel was not too happy about at first. However, after that weekend Daniel gave me permission to continue to do this. Actually there has been a lot of change this year and some of you know it didn’t come easy but it didn’t happen until I stopped focusing on him and focused on myself that is when he found this desire for himself. Now he pushes to go to church on his own, not just on Sundays but on Wednesdays too. We are both learning our role in ministering to our family first and foremost. Which in the conference, the pastor did mention that you have a captive audience 7 days a week, day and night. There were some tough issues mentioned too about rules without relationship and how it could lead to rebellion. How T-I-M-E translates Love in a child’s point of view. The commitment involved in discipline, it all made sense and it was as simple as giving the time. Time to love, time to discipline, time for affection and how to overcome this in a busy world. As they say if there is a will there is a way. It is important for them to know this right away because our world is not getting any easier to live in. They need the armor of God’s protection over their lives and we need to set them up to follow our legacy which for some starts with this generation to lead… Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Than tonight’s message continued on Christ Therapy and we looked into Mark Chapter 5 about the Women who bled for 12 years. As he broke it down in the readings from the bible, this women lost everything in her search for healing, physically, financially and even socially. She was going to all measures for healing and a solution to the point that she was losing judgment. It took complete loss to make her realize she needed to go to Jesus for healing. Her desire was so strong that when she touched him among a crowd Jesus noticed her right away. If you got a fight in you Jesus will notice even if this fight is little. He will notice you’re little. It is not measured! Trust me it didn’t take me one message to realize this but it did reveal so much. It all ties in to what I’ve learned and what I am learning. I feel I can relate to this women because in the past couple years I won’t lie I have tried every herbal remedy out there. On top of western medicine I’ve explored eastern medicine all great therapies. You see how I was tired of fighting with the medical system and let me not go into the financial aspect because our medical system is just wrong for capitalizing on sickness period! But above all it is simple as going to God and reaching out. He may ask specific things of you but this is because God wants to heal you completely, not partially, he wants you completely healed and this doesn’t just mean physically, buy mentally, financially and socially. “When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” Mark 5:27-28

I am learning so much and I could go on and on.. I just wanted to share a glimpse of all that I am learning please don’t take this as boasting because I am doing this as quietly as I can while running a blog site. What a challenge.. May seem overwhelming and it was at first but I’ll tell you just as easy as it is to give up and quit it was just as easy to make the decision to chose to live my life for God completely. There are miraculous healings that are taking place in the church today. As miraculous as it was in the bible days it is still happening. This why I share my story no longer in fear. I am learning when we speak it becomes are testimony of faith and this plants seeds of more faith and more fruits to harvest. Oh don’t let me go into pruning. So much to share.. Thank you ministries for helping me in this growth! I’ll tell you I may not have all the answers but I am serving a God that does and he has plenty to reveal. I want to thank you for following me on this journey and all of your feedback is always greatly appreciated. Ok time for me to sleep, been non stop since we got back from church. I guess it was a revelation to share everything in a nutshell. Good night and God Bless!

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I know I haven’t written in a very long time. So much has happened and there was a lot that I think I had to go through on my own for a while. Things have been good though, spirits are high and the health is following. I did have a few scares recently but as always it has been balanced with many blessings. It is funny how life is such a journey of exploration and discovery. I feel this year alone I got to really learn a lot about myself, as a women of God, wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. I had to really look back and reflect on my now almost 3 year life with kidney failure. As much as I was just coping with life and the responsibilities that came my way I was dealing with a sickness that continued to plague my body, mind and spirit. I ended the year with a heart break and a hospitalization. I have peritonitis which is an infection in my peritoneal membrane which is the stomach lining that acts as a filter for my PD home treatments.

Let me tell you it was the worse pain ever. Worse than labor! I quenched with each squeamish pain and had to bear with it for several hours until I made it to the emergency room. I spent one week in the hospital. I had to receive 2 blood transfusions and a dose of antibiotic treatments. God heard my cries! He gave me the miracle of recovery! The first couple days I was in and out in an out of caution state. We didn’t know what was wrong with me at first and we were all scared. I had my mom and sister come for LA and my dad from Las Vegas. It was really scary for everyone but I had to not worry and just know that I was in God’s hands. I told God from that moment on things needed to really change. As much as I spoken to God these past couple years. The time during this specific hospitalization brought so much enlightenment and healing within. I had to take the time to stop worrying about anything but to really focus on the miracle of recovery. With every little inch of me the littlest things became big achievements. To speak, to eat, to listen and to feel.. I had the presence of the Holy Spirit so strong that I got enough strength to say I’m going to get out of this hospital, I’m going to recover. I started to proclaim life again. I knew that something changed drastically within me. I knew I needed to fight to continue to have this spirit thrive within me. What’s funny is before this hospitalization I had this revelation. “In our trouble God had comforted us – and this, too, to help you: to show you from our personal experience how God will tenderly comfort you when you undergo these same sufferings. He will give you the strength to endure.” 2 Corinthians 1:6-7 TLB.
All this was for me was a confirmation and a true will to do it. Life at this point was something I could no longer take advantage of. You must probably think wow didn’t you know this before and I did. What I didn’t realize is that I resorted into some old coping methods. Blocking out the hurts and the pain of being sick by trying my hardest to live to the fullest as if there was no tomorrow. But what faith did that show in me if I was living this way. I never really realized that I had it all backwards. I had such an amazing God who has shown me countless miracles in my own life yet I couldn’t follow Him in this area. So I knew it was time to truly stay committed and let go! It has set me free. So I started the New Year with a new mind set, restored heart and started to really take things moment by moment. “He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.” Psalm 23:3. I had to thank the Lord for everything because he made me worthy of these blessings! Things just started to move along for me. I guess for a while I may have sat dormant even though I tried by hardest to stay busy in a way that would run myself ragged. It is funny all that you can see when you take that time to feel and experience things as they come. At first it was hard to look at and to really feel the pain but after it was a joyful relief. Like the calm after the storm. “Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:4. I now have the fire in me again for change. I realize God has given me this amazing gift and I took it as a curse, an unanswered prayer, hurt, pain.. But no it’s life, it’s patience, it’s love, it’s endurance, it’s joy and it’s freedom! So I finally got it and truly understood my purpose to this fight. It is important for me to fight! I can’t let it be short lived. It is something I have to vow to do in my lifetime. This is why I wanted to take the time to make sure I was truly acting in my pursuit before I even wrote. Because I can talk a whole lot but I needed to put things in action. So my prayer life increased. I started to have a good confession! I’ve found some great ministries that are holding me accountable to my promise. Daniel and I are letting God take us to places we were only able to imagine. My new regimen in staying in the Holy Spirit has brought me tremendous peace. It is bringing my household tremendous peace! Things are bouncing off of me and I learned to truly cast my Burdens. I even learned the meaning of casting… “Humble Yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 4:7-7. God is literally taking my burdens and I no longer am carrying any heavy weight. God will push and heave and take it away because he cares! I stopped focusing on what I needed to do and just started doing. It is crazy what happens when you start doing.

Than he sends me an angel, Christy. She had called me out of the blue and told me she was coming to California for business and she’ll get the first part of the testing done. Here I wasn’t even in full contact other than emails. I was even backing off because I became discouraged of what we had to go through with UC Davis. Put it this way I have been discouraged with dealing with the medical system period. Than I started to rationalize telling myself it is better that I just wait for a cadaver transplant and just basically settle. When I had Christy so ready and willing to help me. She is the main person who set up the appointments. She wrote a strong letter stating that UC Davis promised an appointment and they made a way. Christy is truly God’s angels! I’m telling you her spirit is contagious because that fire again within was bursting and I knew I had God’s favor at hand and there was no doubt of what His will for me and Christy. Here I had Christy who never gave up on trying to get tested. So we had the date scheduled and I picked her up in Marin at her good friend, Joy’s house. My mom came down for support and we drove up to Sacramento for the testing. During that drive we talked the whole time. I wanted to share so much because I want her to know me for the good and the bad. I got to know her too a more and just realized she truly is an amazing person! I admired that she is a person that is very compassionate about people. It is a true Christ like characteristic. “Remember those who led you, who spoke the word of God to you; and considering the result of their conduct, imitate their faith.” Hebrews 13:7. Well I talked her ear out because I want her to know the life that she wants to save the good and the bad. I was so comfortable in telling her everything and she was very accepting of me. Even though I knew for some they would probably back out at that point. But not Christy.. We are able to connect in a level that is beyond this world. We know God truly brought us together for a reason. She passed her psychological/social work test; this is the main test UC Davis wanted from her before we even proceeded. She will be getting the rest of her testing done in Ohio at the Cleveland Clinic. I will keep you updated!

I have a strong discernment that something is happening! A miracle will take place for all to witness. I truly believe in this process and no time was ever lost and there are no regrets. God truly prunes us in our walk and in our lives. My situation is no different than you all accept with an extra cherry topping health obstacle. We have to hurt a little, love a little and may even lose a little.. “Behold, I will create new heavens and a new earth” The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind. But be glad and rejoice forever in what I will create…” Isaiah 65: 17-18. Trust me it is worth going through the motions of it all and understanding that we have no control. I know he destined for my purpose to be glorified in His name! Be it I wake up one day completely healed, a transplant, or just the miracle of living each day and speaking for His behalf. No expectations other than His will! I will be specific in my prayers but if God has other plans I no longer question this. I thought I had to get on some certain level to be there in my spiritual walk or to even have this understanding but the level is when you start doing and acting in His ways. The bible opens up so much! As I read the more and more I understand how little my situation is in God’s eyes. There is a bigger picture at hand and not even we can grasp God’s bigger picture for our lives. “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, Go, throw yourself into the sea, and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”Mark 11:22-24 This scripture is an important to know in trusting God with everything. I know it is hard but nothing is impossible and when it comes down to it is just a simple choice.

You will see I can no longer speak for myself because I am nothing without his grace. This gift is what I offer of myself! It is a testimony that I must share. So the story continues and please continue to keep the faith within. God is doing marvelous things in all of our lives and I am just a little fragment to testify that even in the darkest situations God is very powerful and his love is unconditional! The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever.” Psalm 138:8

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