~Romans 5:5 God is good all the time!

Have a blessed day its beautiful outside!

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So with this outwardly expression whatever God is giving me as life it is time to share. I’ve always had this urge to continue to outwardly express the goodness of God and what he is doing in my life. Especially since it’s been food for my soul attending church, studies and fellowship it has been giving me such a light when physically it can feel so dim. I fight that feeling on a daily with the power of God’s word and there is no other way for me to explain how I make each day other than giving it all back to him, Our Father! Our Savior! Being in my weakest hour He is the first I call on and faithfully he always restores! For most of my social networking friends/family you’ve heard about my recent sickness. This is a regular pattern for me to have these spiraling ups and downs but for the past few months I was getting really concerned with the way I was feeling. The symptoms were tough to put my finger on and I even had my nurses puzzled at what exactly was going on. Labs, test, discipline did not help. I guess my biggest frustration was I had to determine with feeling bad or really really bad and it bugs me that it gets to the point of my body shutting down for me to really get a result. I can write a book called, “The juggling life of a dialysis patient”. From managing your potassium, phosphorus, sodium, weight gain, blood pressure, meds, can’t have milk but need lots of protein. Low blood pressure needs to be balanced with sodium, high blood pressure stay away. Half the time I just don’t even want to think about it but I have to. Just the whole thing about putting yourself first can also be so tricky for me when I have a family and all I want to do is put their needs first and the needs of others. So I balance a priority scale to because I just know longer can do all that I want to do so I have to always make spare quick decisions based on what I’m feeling at the time. It’s difficult but after sitting in bed all of last week not being able to do anything was even the hardest. I had to drop everything, PTA scheduled meeting, ministry work, bible studies, Donate Life (I was scheduled to speak for The Legislature to pass a donor education bill too such a bummer). My greatest joy is to serve and when I lose full control to my health it can be very hard. I guess all of those things made me realize yet again to regroup and start looking at this juggling act and figure out WWJD, What Jesus would do and when I think of it this way I can see how important it is for me to just slow my role. Sit at His feet and know and he doesn’t want me all over the place. Take my time and start doing things one step at a time. God is a patient teacher and it is time for me to be a patient student.

With this discipline I have seen how God answered my questions to why my healing has not taken place yet and His purpose for the donation. The reason for my recent sickness was a simple tooth infection that I could not even feel because the infection was taking place in an area that I had a previous root canal so all the nerve endings were dead. Crazy how something so simple could do so much damage to the body. Basically my potassium was soo high I had to take this medicine for 3 days that kept me in the bathroom. Not fun stuff. I knew that my teeth was being affected because of the years on dialysis and all the calcium it took from my teeth but I had no idea the extent of what it can cause. So the dental work began with a wisdom tooth extraction, root canal and it continues on. I had been already fully evaluated at UC Davis and ready to go for transplant and they could have called me any day now. If I would have had the transplant with this slow tooth infection it could have been damaging to the new kidney and my health. Even though I believe that it should have never taken this long for the live donation process I am content in the way it had to enfold. As far as knowing how valuable the time is on the list I was lucky to make recovery but I always think for the one that wouldn’t have the time. To give you an update about me and Christy. Christy finally got the results that she could be a live donor. Unfortunately, a year and half had passed until the results finally came. Anytime within that first year she could have came with no problems because her employer was prepared for the time she was going to take but since than we all know what happened to our economy and her family was affected. Within the same time she got the results that she can donate to me was the same time she started a new job. It has been frustrating to us both and I really felt like I was being robbed yet again and it’s a delay that shouldn’t have happened. I know now it couldn’t happen with my current health conditions and I think about this whole year that I was able to be at the boys school being active as advocate for Donate life. To have the opportunity to speak to senate these are all because of my fight. As they say truly things happen for a reason and I even though we don’t understand while things look like things are going down it’s the usually the hurdle needed to keep you moving in the right direction.

Until it is the time, I know I need to remain steadfast and continue to live in the way God wants me to and even though my answer for complete healing is not fully answered with what we all humanly know is complete flesh/body wholeness. I feel like I am becoming whole through His spirit and because of that I can declare that I am healed! As I always say I’m just waiting for the body to catch up! I was anticipating on what He is doing because He continues to do a new thing in us all everyday. I will now keep up and share this beautiful journey of life what I call, “My Kidney Story”. Most of it is just simple everyday life with the kids and friends. Lately we have been going to so many places advocating as a family, holding blood drives, community carnivals, etc and than there is my participation in the PTA and all the worderful things we are doing for the children and our community. So let me finally get this writing thing going again. I will have more time since my night time dialysis treatments are now 10 hours. So I’m sure I won’t have problem keeping this site updated. Thank you for your continued support, love and prayers!

God Bless!!

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Also, Me and the boys traveled to LA a couple weekends ago for a nice weekend getaway. I got to see Christy quickly as she was down for an organic health foods convention. It was a nice getaway and I always cherish the time I spend with my sister and mom. We don’t get much but when we do it’s such a great quality time. Traveling with PD treatments is so much easier. So much has been happening. With the Easter week that had just passed I reflected on Jesus’s sacrifice and it was different this year reading the bible and going through the gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and now John.. Even as I prepared baskets for my boys I couldn’t make it about Easter bunnies. So I bought things from my favorite Christian Store. Even as I finished up Mark in prayer I felt compelled to give up meet until Easter just as a simple sacrifice to lift up Jesus’s ultimate sacrifice. As I ate my veggies through out the week I felt how little it was to give up compared to what the Lord has done for us and for our salvation. The price he paid for our sins. It made me remember what he has redeemed for me in my own life. The grace that was shown to me over and over. Even now I am in awe of his mercy and love for me.

I am amazed that I can say this with out my own judgments. In the past I lacked this type of faith because I was too worried about judgments of the world. I feared the world’s judgment more than the Lord’s judgment. Trust me I am blessed to be rid of my own theories and concepts. Just to be saved from this bondage has given me the ultimate freedom and now I can say with complete confidence that this is me and what a joy it is for me to declare it! There are things happening on a day to day and so many answered prayers. I also remembered the last Easter we celebrated with joy as we were getting closer to an approved transplant with my mom. It really helped me in getting closer to my mom. As I’ve mentioned in the past, me and my mom have gone through a lot and I blamed her for so many things but her confidence in giving me a kidney and willingness to give me life a second time made me realize my own faults and it changed all this bitterness and I knew no matter what had happened she was my mom and I honored her for who she was. It made me look at myself and think how I feel as a mom and I completely felt her love and I was able to understand her for the first time in my life and appreciate all that God has created her to be. She is a strong women and she did teach me a lot about having complete faith in God. I was able to own up to my own faults and maybe it took this whole transplant process to give this break through and that’s why I know even though it didn’t work out something else came out of it.

This year I celebrated Easter in joy thinking of what the Lord is doing for me and for His amazing grace. Christy and I are getting closer in the transplant evaluation the last test from UC Davis which cross matched our blood and it showed that it will work well with matching antigens. Christy is now going through the physical exams and after this last test it will determine if we will proceed with the transplant. Christy has shown me so much and as I say the Lord has already completed His will when I met Christy. As I say, sent from a far, who was a complete stranger to me but God brought us together and through her faith I was able to see God’s unconditional love. With each step her complete faith in God’s will made me understand that there was nothing to fear, nothing to question and when she told me she is excited to see our Father’s face I hungered that same desire. I questioned myself, how do you get to that place? Is it a life journey.. I understood what he prepared me for this day. You here of people like her but experience meeting someone like her and you’ll know what I’m saying. I could only share in so many words what the character is of an angel and a Savior.

So as I share my past couple week’s I can only share the miracles God is giving me in my life. What is being revealed and the peace that it gives me. I

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