I’m not mad at my pain!

I am not mad at my pain That was the Pastor’s declaration today and I am declaring that statement today. Especially after being sick over the weekend with the flu. Yes I caught the bug, hard not to when it enters the home. My youngest was having the hardest time covering his mouth. I tried to do damage control but it still got me. What’s nice it didn’t attack my body until after church on Sunday. I got through an awesome family conference called “Raising Destiny” and a studying a series at church called Christ Therapy. My body eventually collapsed at the peek of this message. Let me tell you it was a great way to receive the message.

I had incredible rest and meditation, all in between Tyler Perry play reruns on BET ( ; I am so blessed that I know how to do this now. I have been having complete Christ therapy and it’s been great! It has been intense I won’t lie because a lot is being revealed and I am just taking it all in. I am learning so much about myself, my husband, my kids, our roles.. Things that are deep rooted and things that are being touched at the surface.

I started with reading my first book of the year, Will God Heal Me By Ron Dunn which Daniel gave me for Christmas. This was a week after my hospitalization, perfect timing ( ; It touched on some heavy issues. Things I’ve experienced, felt and gone through being Christian and having kidney failure. There were some tough issues that had surfaced during my years with kidney failure and a lot came down to this very question. This book covers the misconceptions of this issue. To the very detail of reading scripture to it’s entirety to learning the true meaning of God’s view and purpose on healing. It is a question I needed answers to and this book was a tool that helped me realize God’s process and perfect timing.

So that set the tone for my Christ Therapy. I have been dependent on dialysis to live so I figure I need to have this same regimen daily in my spiritual life and I can’t express in words how much it is helping me! Now I am reading, The Confident Women By Joyce Meyers and Fight Like a Girl By Lisa Bevere. Separate bible studies but 2 books that compliment each other very well and neat to read together. It is covering a lot about God’ purpose in creation of Women and how to get in touch with our girl power. Which I felt this year alone I was able to get in touch with my feminine side with the lia sophia business and all. Most of my life I hated being a girl or the confidence in myself and these books cover this issue. Crazy that it runs in to my hands at this specific time. Talk about intense Christ Therepy! It is making me realize how beautiful it is to be a woman of God. How I am proud to fight like a girl! I didn’t realize how confidence plays a big part in faith because that is what confidence is all about but there is more to be revealed.

She is a woman of strength and dignity, and has no fear of old age. When she speaks, her words are wise and kindness is the rule for everything she says. She watches carefully all that goes on throughout her household, and is never lazy. Her children stand and bless her; so does her husband. He praises her with these words; There are many fine women in the world, buy you are the best of them all. Proverbs 31: 25-29

Than we attended the family conferences, it was something I signed my family up for without them knowing. I’ve been doing that lately. Which Daniel was not too happy about at first. However, after that weekend Daniel gave me permission to continue to do this. Actually there has been a lot of change this year and some of you know it didn’t come easy but it didn’t happen until I stopped focusing on him and focused on myself that is when he found this desire for himself. Now he pushes to go to church on his own, not just on Sundays but on Wednesdays too. We are both learning our role in ministering to our family first and foremost. Which in the conference, the pastor did mention that you have a captive audience 7 days a week, day and night.

There were some tough issues mentioned too about rules without relationship and how it could lead to rebellion. How T-I-M-E translates Love in a child’s point of view. The commitment involved in discipline, it all made sense and it was as simple as giving the time. Time to love, time to discipline, time for affection and how to overcome this in a busy world. As they say if there is a will there is a way. It is important for them to know this right away because our world is not getting any easier to live in. Our (My)ย children need the armor of God’s protection over their lives and we need to set them up to follow our legacy which for some starts with this generation to lead…

Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Than tonight’s message continued on Christ Therapy and we looked into Mark Chapter 5 about the Women who bled for 12 years. As he broke it down in the readings from the bible, this women lost everything in her search for healing, physically, financially and even socially. She was going to all measures for healing and a solution to the point that she was losing judgment. It took complete loss to make her realize she needed to go to Jesus for healing. Her desire was so strong that when she touched him among a crowd Jesus noticed her right away. If you got a fight in you Jesus will notice even if this fight is little. He will notice you’re little. It is not measured! Trust me it didn’t take me one message to realize this but it did reveal so much. It all ties in to what I’ve learned and what I am learning.

I feel I can relate to this women because in the past couple years I won’t lie I have tried every herbal remedy out there. On top of western medicine I’ve explored eastern medicine all great therapies. You see how I was tired of fighting with the medical system and let me not go into the financial aspect because our medical system is just wrong for capitalizing on sickness period! But above all it is simple as going to God and reaching out. He may ask specific things of you but this is because God wants to heal you completely, not partially, he wants you completely healed and this doesn’t just mean physically, buy mentally, financially and socially.

When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” Mark 5:27-28

I am learning so much and I could go on and on.. I just wanted to share a glimpse of all that I am learning please don’t take this as boasting because I am doing this as quietly as I can while running a blog site. What a challenge.. May seem overwhelming and it was at first but I’ll tell you just as easy as it is to give up and quit it was just as easy to make the decision to chose to live my life for God completely. There are miraculous healings that are taking place in the church today. As miraculous as it was in the bible days it is still happening. This why I share my story no longer in fear. I am learning when we speak it becomes are testimony of faith and this plants seeds of more faith and more fruits to harvest. Oh don’t let me go into pruning. So much to share..

Thank you ministries for helping me in this growth! I’ll tell you I may not have all the answers but I am serving a God that does and he has plenty to reveal. I want to thank you for following me on this journey and all of your feedback is always greatly appreciated. Ok time for me to sleep, been non stop since we got back from church. I guess it was a revelation to share everything in a nutshell.

1 thought on “I’m not mad at my pain!

  1. I had to laugh at this. Your story is my story. Just to see the mirage image brings laughter & encouragement to me. Its funny, recently i have been meditating on Mark 5 & Luke 7. And i was questioning if i was totally depending on God as much as i surf the Net looking for someone to say they have cure for renal failure. I too have invested in herbal remedys. The money i have spent is ridiculous. I have had challenges in life that have drawn me to God. But this challenge(renal Failure) was close to pushing me away. I became bitter, angry& easily frustrated. My prayer life and study time suffered. I was in church but numb. Being on Dialysis has really made do some self examination and really look at who God is. This experence is making me better, even though i’m ready to be done with diaylsis like yesterday ๐Ÿ™‚ I thank God for web sites like this, as well as encouraging family & friends. It makes you want to fight harder to stay in this race. Be Bless and Expect a Miracle, Tanisha


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