3 Years and still going…

After 3 years of sharing my story I lost all my work with a recent move. Even though it was devastating at first I became content and realized everything is restorable. I actually saved a lot of my work. Even though most of it is gone and the sad part is the postings from those who wrote comments on my website are now all gone. It taught now to have a back up to the back up, Always!

So I have a lot ahead of me but nothing impossible for me to do. I will restore this website as much as my own life is being restored you will see how it is not hard to pick up where you left off. Determine what the mistakes are and move forward making better decisions. I’m actually really excited because this story of mine continues to change and develop during the course of time from one outlook to another. There is so much to share alot has happened in the past couple months. There have been some major changed which included the recent move to Sacramento and all these little events that have lead up to being where we are today.

When I started this website a couple of years ago I had all the right intentions in sharing my story in the best positive light. I wanted to share all the healing scriptures, motivation and great days I was having. I had to come to a place of realization that my biggest blessing was also going to be my biggest challenge. Not only was I going to share a message given to me but I was going to share this while I was going through hemodialysis 3 times a week being poked with the biggest needles anyone could ever bare, ever changing unpredictable events and I wanted to stay commited in going through all this with a smile on my face. So okay I learned to fake it pretty good. But that very practice is why I am here today. I’m telling you I would try with every possible way..

I would bring my bible to dialysis and the minute the machine would turn on the words in the bible would suddenly jumble, I would pray but the pain would be so unbearable that I could only tell you if faith was really there. The only thing I do know was there was something in me that kept trying despite of it all. Each day I had to ask myself how I was even going to be able to receive this life message with all the distractions and pain my physical body can bring. I couldn’t even make sense of it. Nothing natural made sense. I can say that I’ve been fighting hard and was determined to act in faith until the faith came and guess what eventually it has and it has in a mighty way! I chose to speak life despite of it all. It did take a few setbacks; I am here to account that as my health had to take few hits and for a minute my faith was in jeopardy and old coping habits resurfaced. Anger, resentment, frustration started to plague me like a deadly disease and my body responded. As my body was adjusting to the routine of dialysis and always doing a balancing act with food and water intake my spiritual life was following this same pattern. At first I won’t lie this did not come easy for a stubborn person like myself.

As I will share in this website through my testimony I had to learn things the hard way and little did I know I still had hard lessons to be learned. Most of you know my story, I’ve shared it openly, I put myself out there and I never knew why I was doing this. This wasn’t even really my personality. I was quite for the most part, reserved and kept to my own business. I always wanted to be bias and fair and I came to find this was not a weakness but became one of my greatest strength and ability.

Moving to Sacramento was all in faith. There really was no reason other than the door opened and we followed. Unsure what we were coming here for at the time it just felt right and it basically we moved in within a couple of months. It was sudden and most people just don’t upchuck and leave. For me and my family we already knew nothing was ordinary anyhow to begin with.. I realized my comfort can only be where God will lead me. I can’t say it has been all good because there is a natural for us to feel the change and the transition wasn’t all that smooth but we pushed through went through the motions just like any other family would. We have no special exceptions but we have learned to seize the opportunity and make the best wherever we are called to be. As a family we all had to do this and spiritually we had no choice but to lift it up all to God. I could only share so much in words what is happening but this change has brought so much new insight to our lives and a family as a whole. There is just so much that are eyes can see and I’m willing to open my eyes.. Things are much clearer these days and the balancing act is pretty stable. I know I am able to sustain this by keeping active and going out in the world to live life. Keeping this desire in my heart to seek the daily nourishment that is needed. Digesting only life and leaving anything that breaths death at a distance. I will be working on this probably for the next couple days/weeks but however long it takes I am inviting you back to share in this endeavor and journey.

Categories Dialysis Life, My StoryTags , ,

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