Well it’s that time for a long update. It just isn’t easy to put in words everything that I’ve been going through. I am trying to practice something different in writing spontaneously and just write with a free flow and stop analyzing to make things so perfect when in actuality that’s not the reality of life anyhow so let me just keep it real and start typing away as the spirit is flowing. Good, bad, happy or sad It’s time to outwardly express all that I’ve been blessed to experience in life in a whole new way of thinking and total being.
Which has allowed me to truly live in the way God intended, for His purpose which has brought me and my family so much peace and fulfillment. I’ve learned to start practicing new habits to replace with the list of bad ones and little by little the better choice has made things in my world an easier place to live in even in my circumstance. Continuous effort really brings significant change but I learned it all takes the first step (even if it’s a baby step) so here it goes. If you have read my last update on my site a lot has been happening. A sudden move and bam a whole new life in a new city set up all in matter of months. Which have been full of new discovery, new steps and a lot changes. With these changes comes more revelation and insight but it’s one I have learned is a life journey that I am learning to finally love and appreciate every step of the way.
Even though I can say it feels like I’ve been traveling lost in the desert for who knows how long going in a circle as our ancestors once did. I can say I finally can see that I am on a path to the Promised Land. I am so thankful God prepared a new home church Mars Hill Community Church for us here that we love and has been everything we could ever want for a home church. I just felt once we found our church it would really substantially help us start building a foundation for our lives here in Sacramento but the seed that has been planted many years ago and continues to flourish and I feel like it’s time to harvest and it’s time to start planting seeds.
So with this outwardly expression whatever God is giving me as life it is time to share. I’ve always had this urge to continue to outwardly express the goodness of God and what he is doing in my life. Especially since its been food for my soul attending church, studies and fellowship it has been giving me such a light when physically it can feel so dim. I fight that feeling on a daily with the power of God’s word and there is no other way for me to explain how I make each day other than giving it all back to him, Our Father! Our Savior! Being in my weakest hour He is the first I call on and faithfully he always restores!
For most of my social networking friends/family you’ve heard about my recent sickness. This is a regular pattern for me to have these spiraling ups and downs but for the past few months I was getting really concerned with the way I was feeling. The symptoms were tough to put my finger on and I even had my nurses puzzled at what exactly was going on. Labs, test, discipline did not help. I guess my biggest frustration was I had to determine with feeling bad or really really bad and it bugs me that it gets to the point of my body shutting down for me to really get a result. I can write a book called, The juggling life of a dialysis patient. From managing your potassium, phosphorus, sodium, weight gain, blood pressure, meds, can’t have milk but need lots of protein. Low blood pressure needs to be balanced with sodium, high blood pressure stay away. Half the time I just don’t even want to think about it but I have to. Just the whole thing about putting yourself first can also be so tricky for me when I have a family and all I want to do is put their needs first and the needs of others.
So I balance a priority scale because I just no longer can do all that I want to do so I have to always make spare quick decisions based on what I’m feeling at the time. It’s difficult but after sitting in bed all of last week not being able to do anything was even the hardest. I had to drop everything, PTA scheduled meeting, ministry work, bible studies, Donate Life (I was scheduled to speak for The Legislature to pass a donor education bill too such a bummer). My greatest joy is to serve and when I lose full control to my health it can be very hard. I guess all of those things made me realize yet again to regroup and start looking at this juggling act and figure out WWJD? and when I think of it this way I can see how important it is for me to just slow my role. Sit at His feet and know and he doesn’t want me all over the place. Take my time and start doing things one step at a time.
God is a patient teacher and it is time for me to be a patient student. With this discipline I have seen how God answered my questions to why my healing has not taken place yet and His purpose for organ donation. The reason for my recent sickness was a simple tooth infection that I could not even feel because the infection was taking place in an area that I had a previous root canal so all the nerve endings were dead. Crazy how something so simple could do so much damage to the body. Basically my potassium was soo high I had to take this medicine for 3 days that kept me in the bathroom. Not fun stuff. I knew that my teeth was being affected because of the years on dialysis and all the calcium it took from my teeth but I had no idea the extent of what it can cause. So the dental work began with a wisdom tooth extraction, root canal and it continues on.
I had been already fully evaluated at UC Davis and ready to go for transplant and they could have called me any day now. If I would have had the transplant with this slow tooth infection it could have been damaging to the new kidney and my health. Even though I believe that it should have never taken this long for the live donation process I am content in the way it had to enfold. As far as knowing how valuable the time is on the list I was lucky to make recovery but I always think for the one that wouldn’t have the time.
To give you an update about me and Christy. Christy finally got the results that she could be a live donor. Unfortunately, a year and half had passed until the results finally came. Anytime within that first year she could have come with no problems because her employer was prepared for the time she was going to take but since than we all know what happened to our economy and her family was affected. Within the same time she got the results that she can donate to me was the same time she started a new job. It has been frustrating to us both and I really felt like I was being robbed yet again and its a delay that shouldn’t have happened.
I know now it couldn’t happen with my current health conditions and I think about this whole year that I was able to be at the boys school being active as advocate for Donate life. To have the opportunity to speak to senate these are all because of my fight. As they say truly things happen for a reason and even though we don’t understand while things look like things are going down it’s the usually the hurdle needed to keep you moving in the right direction. Until it is the time, I know I need to remain steadfast and continue to live in the way God wants me to and even though my answer for complete healing is not fully answered with what we all humanly know is complete flesh/body wholeness.
I feel like I am becoming whole through His spirit and because of that I can declare that I am healed! As I always say I’m just waiting for the body to catch up! I was anticipating on what He is doing because He continues to do a new thing in us all everyday. I will keep up and share this beautiful journey of life what I call, My Kidney Story. Most of it is just simple everyday life with the kids, family and friends. Lately we have been going to so many places advocating as a family, holding blood drives, community carnivals, etc and than there is my participation in the PTA and all the wonderful things we are doing for the children and our community. So let me finally get this writing thing going again. I will have more time since my night time dialysis treatments are now 10 hours.
Thank you for your continued support, love and prayers! God Bless!!