It’s now been a week that I’ve been recovering from surgery. This came out of no where but I did start posting on my Facebook of the pain that I’ve experienced over the summer. My overall gut feeling that it could be the nasty valley fever reoccurring happened to be true. But I had totally different symptoms and between all the emails to the doctors to figure out another “unknown mystery”. It seemed pretty obvious it was a pulled muscle or tendonitis. I had no fevers, I was working again and going about as fast as I could to keep up with everything, slowly but surely that downward trend started to happen that I’m way too familiar with. What trauma can do to ones psyche because there is a certain pattern that I’m picking up with each time my body gives up and becomes vulnerable. I am now finally coming to terms with this reality. I’m doing everything I can to act in faith but missing the God’s directive which is my lifeline.
I really had to sit back and let God show me yet again how I just need to allow the healing process take its course. Here I was just a year a half post transplant. To sum it up: I went back to complete a semester of school, just a 4 weeks after transplant (literally with a catheter & than peeing every half hour). It was only once a week, I reasoned… Than family loss after loss (grieving & it brought some comfort for family to see me because here I am with the 2nd chance)… Than I caught Valley Fever & from Aug-Dec I was down, than slowly getting back into things.. New year came and here I went again back to my PTA work, to complete my Presidents term and wanted to do the best I could with that. Than part-time tempting for Donate Life. Can’t forget my #1 priority is my family and all they got going on, baseball, projects, homework, etc.. and being there for Godkids & nephews, sleepovers… especially can’t forget my true passion of serving my church in Celebrate Recovery & Tribes Youth Group. Plus I had a little time to squeeze in Donate Life Advocate work getting together with friends, gatherings and occasional “alone time, blogging, hair appointments..”. Than another summer temp job but this was the first full-time job I had in years. I thought since summer was here and finances were tough it was a great opportunity. With all this a healing body to care for, labs, appts, meds etc… This is my reality check! It is total madness!
Here I am now unable to do anything yet again, rp I just need to be aware of this crazy pattern and just prioritize because I love to do it all. When energy comes I start going and I see myself slowly getting back as I gain more strength. So my mom reminded me about writing again and have been focused on my blog which is helping me for this recovery, directing my attention from achyness and itchyness from all the sutras & tape. Anyhow, It is a vicious cycle that stops here! Still living like there is no tomorrow but need to remember there is time for all that just not all at the same time.
Regardless, of all it took to finally know what was going on with my arm it’s now being addressed. It was very frustrating because it got pretty bad, that it started to effect everything again. Dealing with this type of pain has been something new for me. The scary thing is that I have a high tolerance to pain and it took a while for me to learn how to manage chronic pain because of stubbornness, I didn’t want to rely on pain meds but for this I had no choice. I just continued to work until the last week of work, my body just shut down. It was frustrating because I knew deep down something wasn’t right & with time it continued to progress to the point I knew something was seriously wrong.
Than my warrior mode came on and I made sure they checked me, after x-rays, whole body scan, MRI & hospitalization. Everything started to happen and a finally they seen it was a fungal infection very likely the same Valley Fever (Cocci). It just sat dormant and since my body became weak and still healing from the first infection it redeveloped in the muscle/bone tissue, in the shoulder area, and beneath my collar-bone. In the last weeks it started to become inflamed.
The surgery went as planned. They removed as much of the infected tissues which the docs described to look like cottage cheese (yuk) but they said my bones look good so there may not be an infection there. They inserted a calcium deposit with the antifungal meds to penetrate the infected areas. They also did a biopsy on my clavicle bone on my back and took bone marrow from my hip, for further testing to make sure it didn’t spread anywhere else. My specialist had said this type of infection in the muscle tissues is normally localized and doesn’t tend to spread but please keep in prayer all the testing to be negative & clear. It would mean something I don’t even want to think would be a possibility at this point.
I am so very grateful for how much prayers and support I had coming into the surgery. Just during this whole time. I love my family, church family and friends for just covering me. I felt peaceful coming in and I had our Chaplin (P.Neva) by my side through the whole pre opt which was long & crazy but her presence truly helped us because I kind of was a forgotten patient that day. I wanted to send the boys to school but Marcelo made it really clear to me, how as a family we stay by each others side. Which is so true, my sister flew down to be there along with my mom and before I went in we all held hands and Marcelo lead the prayer. I’m so proud of my boy! God is really going to use him in a mighty way, use them both because they have incredible giftings. They all waited the whole 7 or so hours as I went into surgery.
Now recovery has been slow, challenging, painful to sum it up but it’s getting better. I commend my husband for just doing what he does. I can’t move my right arm much so I can’t do my hair, or shower until sutras are all removed, drive, cook, really not much… Between him, my father in law, mom and boys, they all have been caretakers since I went down. Marcelo has taken Marquez on his bike to school and rode across town to his school, getting him up and going and Marquez is doing his part too. I could appreciate these hard times because of this. It humbles us in away that no ordinary circumstance could.
As scripture says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.~2Corinthians 12:9-10
Please continue to keep me and my family in prayers. We have lots of big decisions ahead of us. Still waiting patiently for results. Changes that has to be made to simplify our lives so the focus can be on caring for one another. We are all just ready to get into the swing of things but I made important promises to my family that I will be really slowing down and breaking the cycle of madness. Here I’m sharing openly to world that I clearly can see what needs to happen for us to enter the new season God has in store for us. Thank you again for your prayers!
Thought to share my new war scars. I’m becoming Frankenstein!