Taking the First Step

For the past several months since the surgery roller coaster started; I been going back and forth in the recovery process. Wondering when I could get off the ride. The biggest challenge is always starting from square one. Coming out of a hospitalization comes with discharge instructions. A timeline on what and what not to do. With spine surgery & the last surgery which left a huge open wound to heal came chronic pain. Just to top off the bumpy ride. Mostly caused by the open wound but most recently the back again. I’m good with taking a pill as needed. It’s just better to feel myself even though it has not much of an affect anymore. Just enough relief to not focus on pain.

I couldn’t drive being on medication and had to be careful to not strain my back. I had to start all over again. Crawl before I walk. I started by driving down the street to take at least my youngest to school. How awesome it felt to be able to do that again yet scary. That first step is never easy. Just to be able to trust myself after such an ordeal. Yesterday schedules conflicted; my youngest had a baseball game and the hubby coaches so I was on my own with the aid of my oldest son. My 30 minute drive wasn’t so bad. I remembered the route like it was yesterday.

I seen my kidney and infection doc and wound nurse. The beauty of Kaiser specialty care in the same place. This is the first time for all of them to see my open wound finally closed after 5 long months. This is huge because this measured the activity of the infection as well. For those reading this for the first time my compromised immune system couldn’t protect me from a fungal spore that I inhaled traveling home from LA just short of 6 months post kidney transplant. I’ve fought it since than. It seriously would’ve taken my life but thank God I was able to fight. I was finally discharged and no longer needed to be monitored. This scar will always be a reminder of the pain I was able to overcome. The wound vac, the probing, the nurses, the meds, the tears. I don’t know how much hope I had when the doc first expected a month for it to close. Those 5 months required a faith beyond my own. It’s a huge milestone and could only pray that it leads to steady ground.

I had fun spending time with my oldest. It’s been a long time since we hung out; just us. I love that he can talk to me. It takes me back to the day he told me that I’m giving the computer more attention. A time when my health issues sucked the life out of me. I just wanted to shut down. So much easier to get lost into cyberspace. That dialog from my preteen telling me, “he just can’t talk to me; I don’t listen.” Hit a nerve in me and took me to a place where I couldn’t talk to my parents because they just weren’t there. He almost shut down on me and I took a commitment to log off of my Facebook account, took social media apps off my phone for a full month and gave he and my youngest son my undivided attention the best I could. Thank God he started to talk to me again. Now I could barely shut him up.

These steps are what I cherish most in life! I’m fighting to keep on initiating these first steps…

Just like the vision to attend the transplant games. With everything we’ve gone though as a family we deserve to be there. All my docs yesterday are excited for my plans. They see no reason why I couldn’t go as long as things stay steady. Just have to see where I’m at physically to actually compete.  I hurt myself with increasing my walking on the treadmill. Till than I’m going to crawl before I walk.

Speaking of baby steps check out my oldest son’s flour baby. I’m a fake grandma for a week. He’s a good fake daddy. Even though he wanted to stuff baby in his backpack when we were making my runs yesterday. I told him, “nah uh the project is about you caring for the baby like it’s your own.” Hopefully this makes him not want a baby for a long time.


4 thoughts on “Taking the First Step

  1. I love you, sis! Your blogs are a breath of fresh air EVERY SINGLE TIME! Praise the LORD He blesses us with children to remind us the value of family quality time. Congratulations on being a “Grandmother” and to ‘Celo on being a “Daddy!” I LOVE IT! Have a blessed day, sis! I’m always thinking of you!!!


    1. LOL! What’s scary is he kind of reminds me of Daniel when we had him. Thank you for your comment sis. I’m glad you are enjoying my post as I have this time to write. God is really allowing me to purge and it’s healing to the soul. You’ve always come along the journey with me regardless of distance or time. Love ya!


  2. i wish you recover soon
    congrats on the arrival of a new family member 🙂


    1. Thank you. I see your expertise are in psychology. I am a psych major but on an extended break due to the season of healing. Interested in your writing. Glad you found my site. Come visit anytime~ Thank you too for your congrats, I was only a temporary grandma of a flour baby 🙂


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