I just came home from a Celebrate Recovery meeting. I have tried to go back for sometime but haven’t been able to because of the health issues. Celebrate Recovery is a Christ centered 12 step program that I have been apart of for some time now. I started when we lived a Vallejo when I first got sick oh 7 years ago. I wanted to fix my husband but I quickly found how much I needed some fixing myself. It’s been a key role for getting through so much in our lives and I know it set a solid foundation for my marriage and family. It’s for all life issues; so anyone can benefit from C.R.
I write here and there about my troubled days and as I start writing more I’ll start sharing more about that part of my life. Which I know is the reason I am, who I am today. I can now be thankful because I am better for it but I still have to be accountable everyday to keep walking the right path.
Today’s lesson was on Spiritual Inventory which is crazy because I taught the 1st part of this lesson last year about the same time. This is right before I gotten sick the second time around with Valley Fever. Here I this was the first time I attend a meeting after a long absence and I’m back where I left off. Last year I was working again. I remember sitting up there teaching a lesson in pain. At that time the docs didn’t know what was wrong. They thought since I was working it could be tendonitis. I was trying to fight through the pain.
Here I am a year later trying to get back into Recovery but this time I think I’ll be able to get back in the game of things. Taking some leadership roles again but one step at a time very slowly. Last year I thought that was what I was doing. I can see now I clearly went into the pattern of wanting to do it all. It’s a strength and weakness. I’m the type that wants to be apart of everything. I’m learning as I get older there is time and a season for certain things and am content with that now.
Inventory is based on Principle 4: Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God and to someone I trust.
“Happy are the pure in heart.” ~Matthew 5:8
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord.” ~Lamentations 3:40
I remember last year when I taught this lesson I thought it was so timely and appropriate for the season I was in. I was getting busy working again and wanted to stay accountable so I wouldn’t backslide into old habits. Who would’ve known how quickly things can change. I was actually still very sick but thought if I pushed through I would defeat sickness.
In a few months, life would teach me a real lesson what it is to live one day at a time (literally). As I had surgery after surgery I almost felt that this was it. Even today I can’t say I’m totally confident what tomorrow brings. All I know is I have today. So what will I do with today? I’m still going to fight to live the best life I can.
Search me, O God and know my heart; test my thoughts. Point out anything you find in me that makes you sad, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. ~Psalm 139:23-24
For those who are unfamiliar to what “Spiritual Inventory” even means; it’s taking time to look at yourself. Just as I had struggled last week I needed to take a step to see what was going on with me. I wrote about a few guidelines that I shared in another post. Which are pretty general stuff that do help but there is much more real work that can be done. Writing is a form of doing some inventory. So for my fellow bloggers when you share your lives you actually are doing an internal work at the same time. There is something about sharing that helps you grow. Letting all that your feeling, pointing out some things and trying to grow from them. You keep yourself accountable.
I wouldn’t have thought that this is exactly what my plan was when I committed to posting each day for at least a month. I don’t know who will be reading my post but either way it will be helping me in the process. Tonight I realized it was time for me to do some internal inventory.
I’ve been so out of loop being home and I’ve shared how I haven’t been feeling like myself these days. I’m fighting hard to get momentum to be a normal functioning person again. I am excited for what my daily writings will reveal. It’s definitely not easy but I think it will also help me to take the time to just focus on writing. I hope as I share it can speak to your life. It will probably be some random things about my day but I’m always learning something.
Tonight was confirmation that I am where I’m supposed to be.
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I ended up where I needed to be.” ~ Douglas Adams
Celebrate Recovery© Spiritual Inventory Lesson