I got through sharing my testimony for the first time in a long time. To be honest it was hard to even know where to start. My life story has so many aspects but I knew how important it was to share what I just walked through. The special event was held by the first bible study group we were connected to when moving to Sacramento. We moved all in faith. Literally we just picked up and left and followed as the doors led the way. We left all the comforts of all we knew. Moving away gave us an openness to taste a different flavor in life and a focus we needed for our family. We didn’t know it at the time how much it would help us grow spiritually. But when your living life in faith you follow outside the grain. You learn to have confidence outside of your own being. Little by little we let go of the control of our lives. With the challenge to look outside our circumstance and believe beyond disappointment, pain, and the unknown.
I was reminded of all this as I opened the deepest areas of my recovery. The celebrant was a women fighting stage 3 breast cancer. They specifically asked me to share because they witnessed my own battles with health. It has been a while since I seen everybody and I couldn’t help to get emotional just seeing the way they looked at me. I forget that my physical appearances was always challenged by sickness. I now have a glow of health; one I want to hold on tight to because I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).
I knew I would be sharing with the fresh sting of my recent hospitalization. A challenge I knew I needed to overcome. Another test to walk through. Something to help remove the callous the years of sickness created. I learned to break through this rough edge is the offering of myself. When I open my mouth I’m speaking against my situation; the years of sickness and I’m saying this will never be my identity. I always felt like public speaking wasn’t a natural ability of mine. I can relate to Moses asking God how was I going to speak to the nations?
Exodus 4:10 – ‘Moses said to the LORD, “O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.
I could understand how it is to feel unqualified for such a task. Even though I’m not speaking to the nations I still must represent the promise of life. If I was to talk in my own power I would tell myself, “I’m too sick to share any goodness.” Where is the light in all the darkness I walked through. But I’m still here despite everything I went through. My faith has certainly been challenged but I never let it go. I always walked toward the light. In my years of affliction it has taught me life is too short. I must take chances to break out of the mold of what I expect of myself. Which can be so limited. God prepared me through my work as a Donate Life ambassador and other volunteer opportunities. Breaking through nervousness and pressure and through all that I told myself I could “never” do. I learned to release the grasp of control. And allow the natural process of my true purpose take place.
There is something about the power of what we say. I’m learning and growing as I go along. I yearn to be in that place of peaceful perfection. As I had my close calls to the heavenlies. Feeling its peaceful calling. I feel ready but know that peace is accessible for me now. Life is full of beauty. It’s so much easier to experience and see when you let go and let God. Let go of the pain in your bones, the pain from the past, the pain that is so present. Let go and be thankful for breathing. I literally have to die of my flesh daily. It has taken me several years to really understand this concept. But as I do I step into freedom. Learning to speak into existence the life that I was always meant to live.
The day came to share and I prepare as best I could. I have shared a testimony that was more in dept going back all the way to childhood but there was a specific purpose. Even though this was meant to encourage; I could see how much it was meant to encourage me specifically in this time. As I’m walking out my healing. I came there all in faith. Even in the midst of my own recovery and I know can’t promise anything. I could only share a promise that God provides. One that would stand true in my life. A promise that we can rejoice in the life he gives us. One that we don’t always understand. But let go of the grasp and trust where it leads…