Journal Entry: 08/01/01
I wanted to start writing a little each day as I sit here in anticipation for your arrival home.
You came to this world two months early. Mommy had some serious kidney problems and for both our sake I had to deliver.
Your original due date was not up until September 29th. So if you can imagine it’s been really scary.
I was first hospitalized and they tried to stabilize my condition by closely monitoring me and you. I was ready to be hospitalized for how ever long it was going to take.
It was all up to the kidney specialist and one day my creatinine (kidney
function) level was too high and they made the decision to induce my labor. They gave me medications to start the labor in the afternoon, July 23rd.
I was having weird contractions throughout the day at 11:00 at night they gave me potassium and that’s when everything began. The painful contractions were weird and my water bag broke about 1am.
You have made your first poop and they had to clean everything up in fear that you would eat it. After my water bag broke the contractions kept coming they were painful and very close together. These contractions were affecting you and slowing down your heart rate.
They rushed me into the operating room and wouldn’t let your dad or anybody be there. It was scary. I had no idea what was going on and was scared.
I prayed to God you were going to be okay and I would wake up and be okay as well.
They put me out and performed an emergency cesarian section. I heard when they delivered you, you peed all over the doctors. First day in the world and you already pooping and peeing. (This is where your nickname poopy came from)
I didn’t get to see you until later that afternoon. I was so out of it and in pain. Daddy, your granny, and lola got see you.
They rushed you into the neonatal intensive care nursery. This is where you will be for about 5 to 6 weeks until your fully ready, a good weight, eating well and maintain room temp.
They first had you on a couple breathing devices. Your first couple days was hard for you. I don’t blame you. You weren’t ready to be in this world yet. You were fussy and had episodes where you would forget to breath. But you adjusted real good and fast.
Within a few days you were breathing on your own without any support and so far your breathing is at 100 percent. You are now eating breast milk and taking it well. Hopefully by next week you could eat on your own.
I get to hold you now. They tell me kangaroo hold is the best for you and you love it. It’s a skin to skin hold and it’s suppoed to be most comforting to you because it gives you that feeling that your in the womb. So you can hear your mom’s heart beat and its the best. It also gives me a sense of me and you together.
It’s so hard to have an early delivery. I wanted you with me up until the last month of pregnancy. But I guess this is what was meant to be. From the time I first was hospitalized I prayed for the best to come and I know God needed to bring you to this world early for us to see how precious life really is.
Your doing really good and just rolling through things fast. Yesterday 8/2/01 they took out the IV that’s a good thing because that can lead to infection and your up on all your feedings. You’re at 22 cc’s which is like half an ounce.
Journal entry 08/07/01
You started breast feeding. All the nurses can’t believe your doing so well for your age. You are now 2 1/2 weeks old (32 weeks). Almost 3 weeks old.
Where going on our 3 weeks here at the I.C.N. (Intensive Care Nursery) in Walnut Creek. Mommy has been here every single day. I’m glad your taking to breast feeding so well because I get more bonding time.
This is the hardest situation I’ve ever gone through. You being born so early and staying in the hospital. I can’t help but feel guilt. But your so beautiful and so perfect. I admire how strong you are. I know this is a quality you will carry out throughout your lifetime.
Today the doctor told me you lost 15 grams and they are concerned about you not gaining enough. Than they told me your bili (jaundice) is back up. I feel like these setbacks is a slap in the face.
They tell me this is normal for preemies and believe me I’m trying to understand. But I’ve seen other babies go home and I can’t help but wish that was us. It sucks to not be there for you 24 hours a day. To not be able to always comfort you in your time of need.
I sometimes feel so helpless. I know this is where you “have” to be. The medical staff at the I.C.N. is equipped for all your preemie needs.
Soon enough you’ll be home with us and I’ll look back at this experience and be thankful I am blessed with another little boy. Who would of known what I was missing in my heart was you. I can’t ask for no more.
You may be my last baby but I’m thankful to be blessed with two beautiful boys. I will never take whats good in my life forgranted. You’re my “Miracle Marquez” and I know your my daily reminder to not be so negative, to believe and to grasp all that is good in my life, especially the children I am blessed to have. God has put us in this predicament for a reason.
You look very content right now. You’re in your incubator sleeping on your tummy. I can’t believe you would still be in my tummy. I wish you were but mommy’s tummy would have been a unhealthy environment for you. This is what was meant to be and I’m trying to understand.
Journal entry 08/20/2001
It has now been 4 weeks and we’re heading to your 1st month b-day. You have now been here for practically a month. I’m glad that it has gone by fast. The other day the doctor told me you should be ready to come home in a week in a half to two weeks.
I’m just sitting back and waiting hoping that will go by just as fast. You are 34 weeks old ( 4 weeks old). You are now weighing 3 pounds and 10 ounces and looking more and more different each day. All you need to do is gain, gain, gain and sleep, sleep, sleep.
The doctor ordered a bottle feed every feeding if your up to it. That’s another milestone yay! We just need to work on your anemia. The doctor says if your iron level stays low you may have to get a blood transfusion. I am too scared for that. I’m praying we can bypass that.
All the nurses love you. They constantly tell me how cute you are; what can I say it runs in the blood. Mommy and daddy has faithfully been right by your side each and everyday and I can’t wait till you’re home. At least me and you will be staying home up until you get better! I can’t wait… We are now preparing for your arrival home. Soon enough hopefully!
My word to word account of my youngest son’s beginnings. A time which also marks when I first learned about my kidney disease. I believe my baby was my life saver. Unveiling this silent disease.
Even though it could’ve taken you away from me. I am glad that God heard our prayers and revealed so much during this journey; watching you fight for your life.
Who would know this was going to be an example that would help me in my own fight. If he was able to do this at 2 pounds 13 ounces; I know I can.
Happy 14th Birthday to my Miracle Marquez. My strong, crazy, athletic, funny, tough, daring, handsome son!