Ok I know I said I would write more regularly but I’ve been trying to not get on the computer much. My boy’s have brought it to my attention a while back that my best friend is “Dell” so I am trying to show them something different. It’s been busy lately with the boy’s activities and I have commitments now every day of the week. This week I am recovering from surgery. I had my fistula, dialysis access removed. Some of you know what challenges I’ve had with this access and how it had grown out of control causing much pain and discomfort. I was blessed to have a surgeon who not only removed it but repaired my arm. Physically it was a mess and what a blessing that she didn’t just tie the vein off but removed it completely, removing the big huge bumps that I always hid and was very self cautious about. I did look at this as a life line and always looked at it with gratitude for what it gave me but the appearance was challenging and I will post before and after pictures and you will understand what I am talking about. My boy’s used to call it a snake because that is what it looked like. But I’ll miss all the kisses they would give it to comfort me that they weren’t scared of it. Having the fistula really me get past my cares of physical appearances. I just don’t think I could ever complain about external appearances when being fulfilled internally, it just doesn’t matter anymore. I now have long scar with over a 100 stitches to help me remember this. Plus all my needle pokes. I am grateful for these war scars ( ;
Also, Me and the boys traveled to LA a couple of weekends ago for a nice weekend getaway. I got to see Christy quickly as she was down for an organic health foods convention. It was a nice getaway and I always cherish the time I spend with my sister and mom. We don’t get much but when we do it’s such a great quality time. Traveling with PD treatments is so much easier. So much has happened. With the Easter week that had just passed I reflected on Jesus’s sacrifice and it was different this year reading the bible and going through the gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and now John.. Even as I prepared baskets for my boys I couldn’t make it about Easter bunnies. So I bought things from my favorite Christian Store. Even as I finished up Mark in prayer I felt compelled to give up meet until Easter just as a simple sacrifice to lift up Jesus’s ultimate sacrifice. As I ate my veggies throughout the week I felt how little it was to give up compared to what the Lord has done for us and for our salvation. The price he paid for our sins. It made me remember what he has redeemed for me in my own life. The grace that was shown to me over and over. Even now I am in awe of his mercy and love for me.
I am amazed that I can say this with out my own judgments. In the past I lacked this type of faith because I was too worried about judgments of the world. I feared the world’s judgment more than the Lord’s judgment. Trust me I am blessed to be rid of my own theories and concepts. Just to be saved from this bondage has given me the greatest freedom and now I can say with complete confidence that this is me and what a joy it is for me to declare it! There are things happening on a day-to-day and so many answered prayers. I also remembered the last Easter we celebrated with joy as we were getting closer to an approved transplant with my mom. It really helped me in getting closer to my mom. As I’ve mentioned in the past, me and my mom have gone through a lot and I blamed her for so many things but her confidence in giving me a kidney and willingness to give me life a second time made me realize my own faults and it changed all this bitterness and I knew no matter what had happened she was my mom and I honored her for who she was. It made me look at myself and think how I feel as a mom and I completely felt her love and I was able to understand her for the first time in my life and appreciate all that God has created her to be. She is a strong women and she did teach me a lot about having complete faith in God. I was able to own up to my own faults and maybe it took this whole transplant process to give this break through and that’s why I know even though it didn’t work out something else came out of it.
This year I celebrated Easter in joy thinking of what the Lord is doing for me and for His amazing grace. Christy and I are getting closer in the transplant evaluation the last test from UC Davis which cross matched our blood and it showed that it will work well with matching antigens. Christy is now going through the physical exams and after this last test it will decide if we will proceed with the transplant. Christy has shown me so much and as I say the Lord has already completed His will when I met Christy. As I say, sent from a far, who was a complete stranger to me but God brought us together and through her faith I was able to see God’s unconditional love. With each step her complete faith in God’s will made me understand that there was nothing to fear, nothing to question and when she told me she is excited to see our Father’s face I hungered that same desire. I questioned myself, how do you get to that place? Is it a life journey.. I understood what he prepared me for this day. You hear of people like her but experience meeting someone like her and you’ll know what I’m saying. I could only share in so many words what the character is of an angel and a Savior. I thank God for my angel from Ohio!