It has been a couple of weeks since I developed pneumonia. I’ve had pneumonia several times and this is the first time I needed to bring oxygen home. My levels were low and the order was for 2 weeks or until my breathing is in normal rage. Not being able to breath properly is one of the scariest feelings. I really do emphasize with people who have had to endure lung disease/failure on a day-to-day. I know/follow some lung warriors and their stories always puts perspective on my own. I only have a small preview into this life but it’s enough to know it’s quite a fight. It takes the extra effort in doing everything. I’m sure the kidney failure and valley fever doesn’t help as well. I finally can take deep breaths without having coughing spells. A sign the lungs are clearing up. I almost forgot to do my breathing exercises of inhaling and exhaling and very quickly I felt my breathing shallow. I had an oxygen machine with a cord that was long enough that it went all throughout the house. The oxygen tanks below is for when I went out. The hubby has been amazing helping me with all this. It took a bit more effort everyday to get ready or to get out the house.
The other day I watched Unbroken with the family. The main character, Louie endures years of torture after a near-fatal plane crash in WWII, he spent 47 days in a raft with two crewmen before he was caught by the Japanese navy and was sent to a prisoner-of-war camp. He kept surviving and surviving. In the toughest moments of the movie he would go back in time. Made me realize how going back and digging deep into your roots helps with survival. You can say that’s what I did from the time I lost my kidney function at the age of 25 up until this day. Which makes up most of this blog. When I think I’m at my limit and another obstacle comes my way. It only makes me realize I still have a good fight in me. When I lose focus and feel weiry I remember a situation in my life that I got through. I can’t ever forget the pain, the suffering, and healing from it. Some memories have been forgotten with the years of kidney failure and the other sicknesses that came along the fight. This is why I want to capture everything because half of my childhood/teen years I need lots of recollection to remember.
In the movie Louie had a rough start. He was rebellious until his brother introduced track and he was good at it. He realized he had purpose in running. I was no athlete by any means but like the movie my sister took me under her wing during my rebellious days. I even moved with her in my freshman year of High School. She always went to the Bible for answers. Every morning she shared devotions and always seen me how God seen me despite the rough edges. I started to get familiarized with computers and soon I would start writing. It was my escape. I would sit in my room just writing how I was feeling about life. In my darkest hours that’s where I would turn. Most of my writings were prayers. Before I even spoken to anyone about a problem I was facing I most likely wrote about it. This ended up being a way I coped. Oh what I would do to get those writings back. Now I see it was all preparation.
I believe just like Louie all his fight the to be better and do better and even his rebellion prepared him for the greatest fight of his life. He endured long-suffering and it kept getting worse but that stubbornness kicked in when he needed it. He had an opportunity to make his situation easier by talking on the radio and reading what the enemy wanted him to say. He couldn’t because it went against what he believed. That just reminded me how easy it is for me to just give in and be angry and bitter towards God for everything that has happened. It’s really the easy route to not deal with it. But I can’t be mad at this point of the game. I don’t even have the energy to. I already know that suffering will produce perseverance, endurance, character, and builds up faith. It certainly has and even though I’m still fighting I know God is faithful. Because he always has been. I always healed and it was a miracle to watch even from my own eyes.
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-4
It’s really hard to compare my suffering to Louie’s. If anything it just reminded me about my life. My own story. The best part was how it ended. Sorry to spoil it if you haven’t watched this movie yet. There is so much more to it that I don’t think I gave too much away. At the age of 80 he ran at the Winter Olympics in Japan. The place he was once severely tortured at. He learned to forgive them as he turned his life over to Christ. He than became a Christian motivational speaker and wrote two autobiographies. God has shown me many times that he was using every inch of my pain and I only realize it more with each day especially as I share my story. Why be mad at my circumstance when I already know my time here is temporary. Everyday is a gift. Every breath I take, even when I struggle. I still have life to breath. I still have purpose. The pneumonia was a fight but I’m happy to say today they checked my oxygen level and it’s in normal range! Yippee I have my lungs again and I can’t take what good organs I have for granted!