“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. Malachi” 3:10
I am so thankful for my church’s prayer team for coming to our house yesterday. They came with some powerful prayers, every prayer said which was spoken into us individually and as a family. Was definitely needed after such a tough season of grief and my health challenges. My family all had their different ways of coping and getting through the hard times. Some spoken and unspoken. We used to be in church all throughout the week. Me and my husband had leadership roles in a couple of ministries, bible studies, and the boys were in youth activities. It helped us in how we responded to all the challenges with dialysis and life in general. Faith helped us to look past the pain, the loss and unpredictable moments. We still struggled but we had an amazing support system.
There wasn’t a hospitalization or surgery that I didn’t have someone praying at my bedside. I always felt like I needed to give back to God for keeping me around and continued answered prayers. I would often drag my family to church even when it became difficult. I was getting it all wrong. I couldn’t force my family’s spiritual growth or my healing. This is a resentment I had when I was young but somehow I found my way. Here I was following this pattern. My mindset was all about going after my healing at any cost. There was a cost. Total burn out. When I got valley fever it forced me to slow down. If dialysis wasn’t enough. The treatments and surgeries meant months of healing. I had to rest and I would see it was obedience not only to the Lord but to my healing. I finally learned how to really be still and just allow God to do his thing.
Mother’s Day was our first time back in church since the last occurrence with this infection. I’ve been watching online services and I do my best to stay in the word. It’s always hard at first coming back. We’ve had to fight anxiety on top of everything (Maybe a little post traumatic stress). It just comes with the territory. However once we’re there we are always blessed. It was nice that church was brought to our home yesterday. After all we are the church. I awoke early like most mornings these day. The pain I was feeling was the predictor of what we were doing for that day. I have had more good days than bad but I still have lots of work to do. This weekend I mainly stayed home resting since I left dialysis on Friday with a temperature.
Despite my body failing me, my mind never stops. So I focused on my blog and the changes I’ve been wanting to make (a work in progress). I changed my About Me page. It started as a post but I realized that it described me better than what was there. After all I’ve written throughout the years. I thought it was important to understand the roots of who I am. I was born out of a prayer. Out of faith. I came during probably the hardest times for my mom; as she lost the closest person to her, her mom. Now that I’m dealing with grief I could understand how its a dark valley to walk through. It’s easy to question God, why? I’ve certainly have throughout the years grieving over the loss of my health and loved ones. Yesterday, I was reminded in deep prayer to change my “whys?” to “whats?” What does God want from me in this circumstance? How does he want me to respond. I realized how important it was being a person of faith to have faith.
Through this journey I’ve come to understand, to not get stuck in the whys and just keep moving forward and to have faith in all things. The good, the bad and the uncertain. Both my husband and I had many disappointments in life. When we look back and see the goodness God has brought through those dark places. Also, through our stance to do and be better for our kids. We have taken what we’ve lost early in life and poured it into not just our kids but basically all the kids that we know and love. We don’t like to see them learn things the hard way (like us); even though sometimes they just have to. I believe the tithe written in the scripture above. Is giving not just financially but of yourself. Your story. All the things you’ve gone through is for a bigger purpose that we can’t even comprehend.
We are in complete awe how God has open the floodgates of heaven through this season of healing. All the generosity that has come our way. It has overflowed not just financially but in people just being there and showing us God’s love. My family all agreed that we got to experience a piece of heaven yesterday. To have people pray so powerfully and speak so much life into whatever darkness loss and grief has brought upon us. We are made to be there for one another, the church is in us. To be selfless in this life. Always with balance. Because there is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3). The atmosphere definitely changed in my home yesterday. When you think of God’s favor, its incomprehensible, it’s overflowing like the video below. What a beautiful sight. We felt our spirits revived and our home being blessed. This was our Pastor’s message yesterday and we weren’t even there to here it but we got to experience it!