Planning for tomorrow is time well spent; worrying about tomorrow is time wasted. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell the difference. Careful planning is thinking ahead about goals, steps, and schedules, and trusting in God’s guidance. When done well, planning can help alleviate worry. Worriers, by contrast, are consumed by fear and find it difficult to trust God. They let their plans interfere with their relationship with God. Don’t let worries about tomorrow affect your relationship with God today.
“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”
Matthew 6:34 (Life Application Bible Devotional, http://bible.com/116/mat.6.34.NLT)
I wish I can say that I’m always a warrior not a worrier but that isn’t always the case. I loved this devotion because I’m a planner by nature. It’s why I was a good administrator, Executive Assistant, turned homemaker, PTA President… It’s in my nature and I will say since my health started to fail planning became more challenging along with the roles I have in life.
I started the this year very optimistic for the year set before us. My best friend’s wedding was in the works along with other events we were looking forward to. Daniel was getting back to work and things seemed like it was going to get better or back to what we think is our normal. I was ready for a new season of writing. In hopes to be more consistent.
Than we lost a couple more loved ones and valley fever resurfaced and here we were on that very roller coaster we had thought we just got off on (again). Now how do you plan life on a roller coaster? You would think I have this down to a science after all these years. However, that isn’t the case.
The planner in me continues to try to organize details in my head but actions are much more slower. In faith I try to commit to things but as I took things day by day; some things had to take a backseat. Like my writing/blogging goals. I was so excited to just start moving forward but (our) life had its way yet again. Dealing with the emotions of mourning and loss is a ride all on its own.
So many twist and turns and seeing the future could be easily blurred. What did help was all the love that was around us. We got through the first part of the year as my family and friends rallied together and raised money when I relapsed with valley fever. From the visits at the hospital, to the rides to dialysis, to people coming to our home and bringing a meal and praying for us. Which I was able to share in past post.
All that was a huge covering as we went head on with a rigorous treatment schedule. All while keeping the boys in their activities and keeping are family going. I look back and see we floated through it and that was only possible by the continued support we have been so blessed to have.
We still were in limbo as my husband diligently tried to hang on to his job that he was about to make ten years with. The years of commuting literally went through all our cars. Bills started to pile up and made it harder to make the necessary repairs. However, family came through for us and let us borrow their vehicles.
I seen that caring for me was becoming a full-time job as I needed help with driving to my treatments, doctor appointments, daily keep up with our house, food preparation, driving our kids around, even helping me bathe and wash my hair (Darn catheters and surgeries). It was a hard balance and after much prayer, not having a reliable car, his health, and no longer qualifying for any sick, vacation or paid leave my husband had to stop working.
This is the first time he hasn’t worked since he was 17 years old; when we had our first son. He has always worked and knew this was going to be hard for him. At the same time he started getting debilitating migraines. After several tries with different medications and it not working his doctor did a series of labs.
We finally found out the source he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Which was a shock because just last year his lab work was all normal. I attribute all the extra stress from losing both his parents, his uncles and his cousin who was like his best friend… and still caring for me and our family. I knew it was time for him to just have the time off for his health and healing.
It was a very scary decision and had no idea how we were going to make it. After getting denied for help in the past I just didn’t know what would happen. We did have a little cushion from the money that was raised earlier in the year. As always everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we don’t know the reason but as things play out we start to understand.
It helped us make the transition. If you haven’t gone through the process of getting Medi-Cal, Cal fresh and other services; it can be long and a bunch of paperwork. I can’t even begin with that. My case as always was a little more complicating having medicare and trying to keep everything the same. Nevertheless, we got APPROVED! Hallelujah!
Now my hubby will finally be able to be a paid caregiver. Something we’ve tried to do for a while now and finally getting approved for. Another long process but things are going smoothly and now just awaiting the home inspection. I know God has pointed us in this direction probably for a while. However when you’ve worked for an employer for so long and had excellent benefits, retirement, etc… It wasn’t easy to walk away from.
It’s been a transition but we have had an amazing support system that has helped us along the way. We were able to celebrate the wedding festivities, several family and friend’s events, along with our kids activities, and the big day. What an honor it was to be by my best friend’s side. Especially after their family had a horrible accident just months before the wedding day. Ben (the groom) sustained the most injuries literally from head to toe and made a miraculous recovery coming home just weeks before the wedding.
Watch their beautiful ceremony
God has put so many warriors upon our path. In so many ways this year that I can’t all write in this one post. To inspire and encourage us in our own fight. Warriors are meant to fight together!
I will say our circumstances definitely helped us take that leap of faith and now I can see how things are starting to come together. I know we have to balance everything because we are riding a fine line with what we’re qualify for. For now its a huge help that I’m thankful to have!
It can be very frustrating because we’ve always been “the working middle class”. With the continued health issues it became a place where your barely scraping by. We always made too much to qualify for any services so we learned to hustle through it. A lot of the time there was more month than money but looking back God was always faithful.
We never had to ask for assistance even as young parents and the many years dealing with my kidney failure and the chronic illnesses that came along with it. I learned how important it was to ask for help and receive it because it’s the only way we can give it back. Also to continue to share our stories because there is always someone out there that needs to know they aren’t alone. The struggle is real but its a struggle that can make life even more meaningful.
I continue to have dreams for the future but don’t pressure myself like I used to. To let go of the worry and just be true warriors in this life and continue to fight through whatever obstacles come are way because it’s worth it. Time wasted on dwelling and worrying is time wasted.
Certainly the years of fighting has taught me and my family to just keep moving forward even if its slow it’s still moving forward. To just focus on the day at hand and let tomorrow worry for itself. As we continue to ride out this roller coaster road we call life. I don’t ever want to lose sight of all we are fighting for. Continue to let the good outweigh the bad. Because light always outshines darkness.
That is what I believe a true warrior is!